Trying to Understand
by queenof-thedead05
Summary: A case hits Ziva a little closer to home and she reveals more of herself then Tony ever thought possible. What happened nearly seven years ago? Did Ziva end up having a child? Tiva.
1. Trying to Understand

**Chapter 1: Trying to Understand**

_The case itself isn't the main plot to this fic so it may seem a bit rushed. It'll get better once I get around to the more Tiva parts, trust me! Please R&R!_

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><p>Click. Flash. Tony and Ziva were taking pictures of the destroyed contents of a small house. A neighbour had come by to drop off some mail that had been sent to her by mistake. When she looked into the side window and noticed the lifeless body lying on the floor, she called 911. They called NCIS when they identified the victim as a petty officer. A bookcase was tipped over and it's contents spilled across the wood floor. Couch cushions and small quilts were strewn all over and cupboards lay opened and obviously looked through.<p>

Ziva had made her way from the living room to the kitchen and was taking a picture of a tiny red droplet on the counter when a photo on the fridge caught her eye.

"Gibbs!" She called, lifting the magnet and pulling the picture off. She held in up to Gibbs went he walked in. "She had a family." Gibbs took the photo and examined it quickly. The date stamp said it had been taken only a few days before. In the picture, a young girl, about six, with dark brown hair and eyes to match was smiling as her father, in jeans and a leather jacket, lifted her into the air.

"Get a BOLO out on these two, now. They might know something." Gibbs handed the wallet-sized photo back to Ziva and walked out to the living room.

"Yes, sir." Ziva turned the photo in her hand and stared down at the small girl before smiling. She stuck it back under the magnet and called for a BOLO like Gibbs had ordered.

Several interviews on doorsteps over the course of two hours and the team still had nothing. When McGee called Gibbs, Tony and Ziva followed him to the SUV's. They found the husband.

"Why'd you run?" Robert Kilman, Claire's husband, no older then thirty-five, started bobbing his leg anxiously.

"I didn't." Blunt, but still nervous about something. "Look, you gotta let me go. I didn't do this I swear!" A thin layer of sweat was started to form on Robert's forehead.

"You look a bit worried there, Kilman." Gibbs was calm, as usual. "Need to be somewhere?" Pause. "Where's your daughter?" Kilman's head shot up at this. Got him.

"Ha—have you seen her?"

"His worry looks real." Tony assessed from behind the thick pane of glass. "Do you think he knows where his kid is?" Ziva took a sip of her coffee then shook his head.

"I think he's telling the truth. Maybe whoever killed his wife took his daughter as well?" She looked up at Tony, a bit unsure.

"Most likely," Just then, Robert broke.

"Come on! I have to find my daughter! They took her!" Ziva held up her hand and Tony high-fived it quickly.

"Who?" Still, Gibbs was calm.

"I have now idea. Claire was talking about these street kids bothering her awhile back. You gotta let me find Charlotte …" Kilman's eyes started to tear up and Gibbs stood. He moved his hand in a way that told Kilman he was allowed to leave. He stood and left quickly.

Ziva and Tony came out from the other door and stared at Gibbs bewildered, not knowing why he had let him leave.

"Gibbs, if he knows something…" Tony started but was cut short.

"If he knows something, he'll lead us straight to it." Gibbs walked past the two agents nonchalantly and continued down the hallway to the bullpen.

"Great. Stake-out…" Tony said glumly.

Ziva and Tony had been following Robert for close to five hours with nothing to go on. He had stopped by the house, then a park. A couple restaurants and then home again. Nothing.

In the mean time, Gibbs and McGee had brought in Claire's father. A small blue tissue box made its way from one end of the long table to the other, past from McGee, to Gibbs and then Mr. Jennings, within seconds. The older man dabbed at the inside of his left eye. He took in a deep breath, trying to compose himself.

Mr. Jennings had just been informed that his daughter had been murdered. Claire was a petty officer, killed in her home and nothing was working out in the NCIS team's favour. Mr. Jennings was in his late fifties, his hair was greying and his teeth yellowed. He had lived a hard life, stuck without much money and even less brain. When Claire said she had been able to join the armed forces, Mr. Jennings was so happy. His daughter had the smarts that would get her a better life then he had.

"She was so happy when she told me." Mr. Jennings smiled; a stray tear escaped his right eye. "Said it was the best decision she ever made, to join."

Gibbs tried a different route, "Did Claire have any enemies that you may know of?" He laced his fingers together and looked at the grieving man.

There was a quiet second and then Mr. Jennings shook his head and said "No. Not that I know of." Another swipe of a tissue obscured the man's eyes. "But ya know, then again, I don't know my daughter that well." Swipe. "…didn't…" Mr. Jennings corrected himself. There wasn't much to go on and the team needed as much info as they could gather. Mr. Jennings wasn't of much help.

"Okay, thank you Mr. Jennings. We'll notify you when we get some more information." Gibbs said as he stood. The older man followed McGee out the door, Gibbs in tow.

They were close to the twelve-hour mark and the chances of finding not only the killer, but the kidnapper as well were growing slim.

"If you didn't get anything from Kilman, bring him back in. He might have more to say when not looked at as a murderer and kidnapper." Gibbs said as he sat at his desk.

Ziva and Tony started a quick glance before standing up and grabbing their bags.

Please review, it helps me write faster!


	2. Explanations

_Still learning the world of writting and this chapter sounds a bit cliche. Please review and tell me if it is or not! :)  
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**Chapter 2: Explanations**

To make Kilman feel a bit more comfortable, the team set him up in a room that looked a lot like the directors office. He sat at the end of the table, calmer then he was a few hours previous.

"And you're sure you don't know of anyone mad enough at your wife to come after her?" Tony asked as his arms crossed loosely at his chest. Kilman shook his head 'no'.

"Get into any arguments yourself?" Ziva added. That was when Kilman looked up at her.

"You think some bastard cam after my wife and baby girl to get back at me?" He was more saddened by this then angry.

"It is possible. Many people think coming after things their enemies love is worse then actually harming their enemy…" Ziva trailed off when she saw Gibbs looking at her.

"…I just want my Charlotte back." Robert put his head down and raked his fingers through his hair. Ziva looked away too, tears threatened to wash over her eyelids. She knew how terrible something like this was.

"Sir, I know this is hard for you, but we have next to no leads and anything you ca—" Tony started but was cut off by Kilman.

"I was in a bad place for most of my life. Stuck in my own personal hell and not knowing which way was up." He looked up and his eyes locked on Ziva's. "Then I found Claire. At first I thought she would just be another one-nighter but we got to talking while at the bar. She was wonderful. I knew, after that conversation that she was so much more than what I had originally thought of her." Tony went to start again but, "I told her about my past. The drinking, the drugs; she helped me through it all and I pledged to help her with whatever she needed. When she got pregnant, I stood by her side, helping her like I had promised." Ziva felt her face go slightly warm and she grinned. "We named our baby girl after her mother. I never thought I would love something as much as I did Claire, but then came little Charlotte." Kilman smirked and quickly chuckled, remembering back to a fun time the three of them had. Soon, that smile faded and was replaced with another frown. His eyes glistened with tears to come, but like Ziva, held them back with all his might. "But… now they're gone. Both of them, and I'll probably never see them again. Do you have any kids?" It seemed as if Gibbs and Tony had both disappeared from the room long ago and there was a lengthy pause. Then Ziva whispered back,

"I did…"

"Then you know what it is like to loose something so close to you. You know that feeling. It eats you alive to want them back and the possibility of maybe never seeing them again, don't you?" the tears were coming faster and Ziva's lip quivered. She broke the stare between them and she looked down at her fingernails. "Don't you?" Kilman asked again, his voice a little lower the second time around. Ziva nodded, felt a tear escape and fall onto the top of her hand. She wiped it away before going up to her eyes and brushing away the others. "You need to help my find not only my wife's killer but my Charlotte's kidnapper." Kilman was still stifling back thick tears, but his hands had started to tremble like they had in the interrogation room earlier.

Ziva looked up, her eyes were red and starting on their road to puffiness. "I will do everything I can, I promise." She assured Kilman. Ziva felt a hand touch her shoulder and she jumped slightly. She looked behind her and saw Tony. She stood and Tony thanked Kilman for his time. Gibbs opened the door, allowed the two other agents to walk through it before following.

"What are you doing? You can't go getting all emotional and promising things so far-fetched, Zi!" Tony started in on Ziva as they stood in the little nook under the stairs. "He's going to get his hopes up, Ziva. What if we can't find his kid?"

"We will. _I_ will. No matter what." Her voice was still raspy from crying a few minutes before. There was a long silence as Tony tried to figure out where Ziva was coming from; then,

"Was that thing about having a kid… true? Or were you just…" Tony stopped when he saw Ziva make eye contact with him. "Oh, Zi… I'm—I," Not knowing the whole story, Tony couldn't properly finish. Thankfully, Ziva put up a hand, not wanting his pity. Tony trusted that she would tell him when she was ready. He wasn't about to force her. Ziva shifted her weight to her other foot. Back again. Then, she walked around the stairs and back to her desk, not saying a word. Tony nodded to himself and made his way to his own desk.

It was getting dark out and the rest of the team had already gone home. Not Ziva; or Tony for that matter. He was hoping, at some point, Ziva would be comfortable enough to tell him what had happened so long ago. Keys on keyboards tapped, pens wrote on paper and computer mice clicked. Without warning,

"It was…" Tony looked up and Ziva turned her head slightly, her eyes closed, remembering back to something long forgotten. "…nearly seven years ago; before I came to NCIS. I was still working with Mossad, with my father. I had gotten together with one of his men and…" Ziva stopped again, holding back tears she's already held back for so long. "After I told him I was… pregnant, he walked out. Like he didn't even know I existed." Tony looked down, not knowing what to say. "I was not fit to bring a life into a world full of death and lies, Tony. After she was born, I wanted to give her up for adoption, but my father insisted I keep it. Something to keep me remembering the decision I had made. When she was one, there was a bombing in the streets by my home. the two floors above mine collapsed... both her and the babysitter were..." Tony looked back up, noticing Ziva had her head in her hands.

"I'm sorry, Ziva."

Ziva nodded, wiped her eyes, turned off the desk lamp and stood. "There is nothing to be sorry about, Tony." Ziva grabbed her bag from the floor and started to walk away. She turned, halfway down the hall and continued. "But thank you."

_Please review!_


	3. Red Handed

_The case got in the way of the Tiva bits in this chapter, but trust me, you'll get them in chapter 4! For now, I give you the start of a father/daughter moment between Gibbs and Ziva..._**  
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**Chapter 3: Red Handed**

For Ziva, going home did not mean giving up. Instead of driving to her apartment, she made her way to the Kilman's place. All the lights were off not only within Robert's home but most of the neighbourhood as well. The small digital clock built in to Ziva's dashboard shown a blurry looking 11:45pm. She rubbed her eyes, trying to stay awake, when she heard the voices of several boys coming up behind her. She stilled, and looked out the passenger's side mirror. There were five of them; although it was dark out, a streetlight far off behind them gave away their figures. The voices grew louder and she heard the words 'Kilman' and 'kid' before laughter overtook the lower voices. Ziva had a bad feeling about them and knew that they would be able to see her from where she sat. As silently as she could, Ziva unclipped her seatbelt, pulled herself up and slid over the driver's seat so she was crouching low in the back. Tall shadows passed the side of the car, the voices at their loudest. Holding her breath, Ziva watched as the group made their way towards the Kilman's home; each member hold a long box in his hand. Eggs.

Ziva didn't see how a group of boys could go from murder and kidnap to such a childish act as egging a house. But it was possible.

After a few minutes, watching tiny white eggs splatter the side of the house; the group vanished as quickly as they appeared. Ziva opened her cell phone and dialled Gibbs.

"I have a feeling I know who did it." She said flatly over the line.

Early the next morning, Ziva was back at her desk with very little sleep behind her. Gibbs was also seated at his own desk when Tony and McGee entered the bullpen.

"Anything new, boss?" McGee asked before taking a sip of his coffee. Ziva spoke first.

"I took a drive down to the Kilman's place late last night. I just needed awhile to think things out, I guess." Pause. "A couple hours in, a group of men, nineteen to twenty-two years of age started to egg on Robert's home."

"'Egg', Zi. It's just 'egg'." A sharp glare pierced Tony.

"Whatever. I talked to the local police. They said the group was called the 'Dragon Trio'."

"But you said there was four of them, Ziva…" McGee hoped he wouldn't get the same glare. He didn't.

"Yes, I did. Gibbs and I were thinking that they recruited a new member and used Claire and Charlotte as an initiation."

McGee nodded at this, but then added,

"Why that family though? Murder is almost never random; and neither is kidnapping a little girl." The computer whiz sat in front of his computer and brought up a scan of the picture Ziva had found on the family's fridge nearly a whole day ago.

The ex-Mossad agent smiled at this and Tony stole a glance in her direction. A tiny grin came across his lips, seeing how happy Ziva got just by looking at a photo.

"McGee, check police records. See if Claire had any run-ins with the that Dragon group."

"On it, boss." McGee started typing away once more. After what felt like an eternity pasted, McGee began to speak. "Apparently, she reported the group on several occasions; vandalism mostly but there were a couple harassment charges laid out too." More typing came from McGee's corner. "I can't find any other charges made against the Dragon Trio that aren't from Claire Kilman."

"Now there is the motive we've been looking for. Mr. Dragon Ball-Z over here thinks he's the toughest guy in town, Kilman shows up, and able to stand up for her and her family, calls them out on it. I'd be pretty mad too if someone started calling the cops on me." Tony leaned back in his desk chair, not looking in Ziva's direction for even a split second.

"McGee, Tony, bring 'em in." Gibbs said before standing and slowly making his way to the stairs behind the bullpen. Ziva was just about to start up a search engine on her computer when she saw Gibbs stop in front of her and waggle a finger out to his side, telling her to follow him. Almost positive she knew what this was about, Ziva took a deep breath and stood. Gibbs started towards the stairs again and Ziva followed far behind, hoping she could make up a good enough cover story. Her frazzled mind was drawing blank after blank.

This time, Ziva was escorted into the Director's office. Luckily, Vance was not there. Gibbs held open the door for her, not saying a word. Ziva was sure Gibbs was going to bitch her out for not telling him sooner; asking why he had to hear about it through the grape vine. Before the door had even shut all the way, Ziva started her protest.

"Look, Gibbs. I know not saying anything was a b—" Ziva turned to face Gibbs and ended up being silence with the same finger from before. Gibbs sat at the table closer to the TV, motioning for Ziva to follow. She did.

"Do you trust me, Ziva?" Ziva nodded vigorously. "Then why not tell me?" Ziva searched her mind for and answer. She had one, but Gibbs wasn't going to like it…

"Do you trust _me_ Gibbs?" He knew where this was going, and looked away.

"Of course Ziva." The grey-haired man remembered back to the night in his basement, Ari sitting across from him and Ziva pulling the trigger.

"Then why not tell _me_?" Ziva felt as though she had the upper hand here and moved to the edge of her seat, laced her fingers together and continued. "There's the odd comment here or there. But you never really talk about them Gibbs. It is the same reason for me as it is for you." He nodded.

"At least for me, there is that odd mention. For you, Ziva, it's different. You don't even give us that." This was going to go somewhere Ziva nor Gibbs wanted it to go, but they had to face the facts… sooner ather than later.

_Please review with any/all comments regarding this Gibbs/Ziva convo. I really don't know where it's going yet!_


	4. Reopening Old Wounds

_This chapter has the last bits of the case, and I finally got to the Tiva bits! Please review, I want to know what should come after this!_**  
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**Chapter 4: Reopening Old Wounds**

She'd held it together for seven years; she could keep going for a few more minutes right?

"Lev walked out on us as soon as I told him I was expecting. He said all he wanted was a few good fucks… right there, in my own home." Ziva whispered into open air; looking anywhere but at the older agent in front of her. She let out a breathy chuckle and a weak smile crossed her cheeks. "I do not know why I expected anything more from him. He was such as ass in the first place." Knowing she was having a hard time, Gibbs tried moving her attention to someone else involved.

"How was Eli with this?" Gibbs shifted when Ziva looked at him.

"Eli…he…I told him about eight weeks into it. He was so angry with me!" Those tears where coming back again and they were going to hit like a storm. "He went on and on and on about honouring the family and being fateful. I just sat there, listening to him rant." That was when the first drops fell. From the corners of her dark eyes to her jean clad thighs, tears rushed from the young Israeli. Gibbs reached for a white handkerchief from inside his jacket and gave it to Ziva quickly. She dapped her eyes and scrunched it into a tiny ball. "After the yelling stopped, my father made me promise that I keep the baby. Not to carry on the name, not because he was happy to have a grandchild, to make me feel terrible about my own decisions, 'to show me how I ruined my life' as he had put it. I was in the wrong, as usual."

"You weren't in the wrong, Ziva. You were the only one who was right." Gibbs whispered close to the shaking Ziva. The light crying turned into a full out hurricane of tears, howling and one long, tight hug.

"I—left her…" Stiff. "With the neighbour…" Handkerchief wipe. "And someone set off—a bomb…" Sniff. "In the streets. The floors—above ours…" Stiff. "Collapsed!" Another hug, tears staining Gibbs's suit slowly. "It was just another day when I left her, Gibbs! She was just a baby!"

"Shh, Ziva… It's okay." Gibbs tried to calm Ziva as she broke down. He had asked enough questions and she had answered way more then he had thought she would. Now it was time to just sit and wait out the passing storm…

Tony was typing away at his computer, already having caught two members of the Dragon Trio. He had checked the desk across from him several times, not knowing where the ex-Mossad agent had gone.

"Hey, McGeek. Where'd Zi go?"

"I saw her follow Gibbs up the stairs as we were leaving earlier. Haven't seen either of them sin—" Just then, both NCIS agents appeared from behind the door to Vance's office. Ziva's eyes were red and puffy, and she was still holding the semi-soaked handkerchief in her hand.

Gibbs stared straight ahead as he followed Ziva back to the bullpen. Gibbs continued walking past both Tony and McGee even after Ziva had taken her seat behind her desk.

"Gonna get some answers I see, right boss?" Tony called after Gibbs. When he didn't get a response, he turned to Ziva. "So… how you holding up?" He asked, trying to make light of the situation. Without removing her gaze from the computer screen, Ziva answered,

"Just fine, Tony. You?"

"Good, I guess.

"McGee? Have anything to say?" Ziva asked sarcastically, hoping Tony would get the hint. McGee shook his head; realised Ziva wasn't looking and then said,

"Uh, nope. Nothing from this end."

Almost twenty minutes had passed when Gibbs finally came from around the corner. Ziva's head shot up and the look on Gibbs's face told her they had something.

"Grab your bags. We've got her."

Ziva had been right. The Dragon Trio had kidnapped Charlotte and killed Claire, all as part of an initiation. Brendan Hu, the member of the gang who had given up the others, had said that their leader, Jacob Wong had taken the young girl to a warehouse down 56th.

Ziva was first to have her bag and be on the elevator. Tony, McGee and Gibbs piled in afterwards, all readjusting coats and bags in the process.

"NCIS!" Ziva yelled as she entered the warehouse from a side door. A tall figure came around a pile of crates holding up a gun. Ziva pulled the trigger twice, killing one of the men right there.

Gibbs and Tony shuffled in, crouching, from the opposite side of the warehouse and all three slowly made their way to the back end. McGee was sitting in the car, infrared cameras telling him everything happening on the inside.

"Boss, I'm getting two more people on here." McGee said into a mic.

"Where, McGee?"

"About… 20 yards north-west of your position."

Tony moved to the front of the line and steadied himself in front of a closed door. Signalling with his fingers, Tony counted down from three. He pulled open the door, Gibbs rushed in, Ziva tailing close behind. Two more shots rang out; Gibbs had shot the second member. As he went to check his pulse, Ziva turned to her right and noticed a small child tied to a water pipe. The girl started to cry as Ziva undid the ties.

"It is okay, sweetheart. Everything going to be just fine…" Ziva comforted, trying not to cry herself. The six year old wrapped her arms around Ziva and she picked the little girl up in one swift motion. When Ziva turned to leave, she made eye contact with Tony. She stood there for a second, mentally asking Tony 'what?' before she left the warehouse completely.

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><p>Robert rushed into the bullpen only a few minutes after the team had arrived.<p>

"Where's my Charlotte?" He asked, out of breath. Gibbs escorted Kilman up the stairs to the same room he had interview him before.  
>As they walked up the stairs, Tony and Ziva were already inside, talking and playing with the young girl. Tony watched intently; Ziva and Charlotte where giggling as they coloured in a picture of Pooh Bear and Piglet and he couldn't help but smile.<p>

That was when the door opened and Kilman came in.

"Charlie! Oh, I missed you, baby girl!"

"Daddy!" Charlotte jumped off the chair and ran towards her father before giving him a big hug. Ziva stood and moved closer to the others. "They saved me, daddy!" the six year old said happily.

"Yes they did, buddy. They saved all of us..." Robert looked over at Ziva and they both smiled.

"Oh, Ziva?" Charlotte called.

"Yes?"

"I made a picture for you..." Charlotte said as her father placed her back on the ground. The young girl ran back over to her spot at the table and unfolded a drawing she had made before Ziva had come up to the room. Che handed the paper to the Israeli and before Ziva could say thank you, she had a hand over her mouth, trying not to cry. The picture consisted of Ziva and Charlotte holding hands outside the NCIS building. "Thank you for comoing to get me."

"Oh, anything for you sweetheart." Ziva said before pulling the young girl into a hug.

The case was over. Everyone put it behind them. That is if they could. Ziva stayed late that night, mulling over a copy of the same photo from the fridge. She turned in her chair and pinned the photo to the wall behind her... right beside the drawing Charlotte did.

"Coffee?" The simple word made Ziva jump slightly. It was just Tony, holding a cup from the machine around the corner.

"Yes, thank you." She took it and sipped gingerly. After a long silence, Tony began again.

"What was her name?" Ziva's grip on the coffee cup tightened, but it didn't show.

"Tali. After my sister." Tony nodded.

"That's a beautiful name, Zi. I bet she was a beautiful girl, too." This made Ziva smile.

"She was. I don't think I'll ever love something as much as I loved her, Tony." He understood this and didn't press any further.

"Gibbs. He told me a few of the things you told him…" Ziva looked up, the smile and happiness in her eyes were both gone. _How could he have told something so private to someone else?_ She thought. "He…he only told me the major stuff because he thought I could help you, I guess." Tony tried to cover for both Gibbs and himself. It seemed to work well enough. "I know he lost his kid too, but he has a way of letting out all his sadness. By working on his boats, talking, stuff like that. If you ever need someone…ya know, to talk to…" Tony shrugged, not breaking the look they shared. Ziva placed her coffee on her desk, stood, and made her way over to Tony. Ziva pulled him into a tight hug before pulling away slightly and kissing him softly on the cheek.

Ziva meant to thank him, using words, but when they looked at each other, being so close together, they both went in for another kiss; this time on the lips.

Tony stuck his tongue out slowly, asking for entrance. Ziva obliged, opening her mouth and slipping her tongue into his mouth, all in one swift movement. Her hands, which had been linked around Tony's neck, came around to cup his jaw. Tony's hands pulled the Isreali closer, deepening the kiss.

"Wait. Wait, Zi." Tony wanted this as much as Ziva did, but with everything that had been happening the past couple of days, he didn't know if what Ziva felt was true, or if he was just about to take advantage of her. He didn't want to chance it.

"For what, Tony?" Ziva asked, slightly out of breath. She looked his in the eyes and continued. "I want this…"

"Are you sure? I mean, with everyth—" Tony was cut off by another kiss.

"I am very sure." And with that, the two agents nearly ran to the elevator, hands held. Tonight was going to be long; but for good reason.

_Please review!_


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